Where Has Sunny Been?

Hello all. I miss you so much! I was doing so well with weekly posts, and then work happened. The short story is that as part of (or in addition to) my regular work duties, I am helping respond to emails that come in about COVID response. Suffice to say, once the vaccine became available, that mailbox went crazy!!

I feel like I have been working double time, and while it feels good to help a few people, in a lot of ways it can also be discouraging. There are just too many people, not enough vaccine and way too much fear and anxiousness to go around. On top of that, working a call center-style mailbox definitely shows you some of the worst humanity has to offer. For those of you out there who do this work on the regular, I salute you! Honestly, I’m just grateful I’m not on phones right now. At least I can craft my message and not slip up.

I would desperately love to blog about the messages I see and some of the responses I would like to give – rather than what I actually say. But for a lot of different reasons, that wouldn’t be wise. So I guess all those responses will live rent free in my head for awhile.

The good news is that I’m still reading constantly and have finished about 4-5 books that I will share here when I get some breathing room. The bad news is that exercise has stopped completely and I need to figure that out. For self care I’ve been focusing on sleeping and getting down time away from the screen. It’s not enough really, but it’s a start.

I miss writing terribly and I miss reading your blogs as well. Hopefully things are starting to slow and I’ll be back at it soon. I have so much to share when I am able!

Virtual hearts, stars and hugs.

Sunny

Coronavirus Check-In

So, how is everyone doing? Everyone ok? I mean that in all earnestness. I hope all of you are handling the paranoia and the isolation in the best way they can.

For myself, I am struggling.

This is going to be more of a soul-cleansing diary type post than a useful blog for most, so feel free to skip this entry if you want. I’m just really not feeling normal these days.

I work for a communications team and since the COVID-19 event has begun, I have been overwhelemed with information and stress. We started moving to emergency work shifts to keep the public informed, so in addition to working my regular work week (on-site often, mind you, because our top guy isn’t ready to pull the trigger and authorize all-hands telework) I am working 12-hour shifts in a joint information center. It’s a great idea, but I think it’s overstaffed. So sometimes I’m there and I don’t feel like I’ve even done anything valuable. I don’t feel like I’m helping. Instead, I feel trapped in a room with a group of more engaged coworkers (they enjoy emergency communications – this is not my cup of tea) for 12 hours, unable to leave or take a mental break with a book or a quick game or anything. Instead I’m at a desk, staring at a screen. Strolling the web, looking at COVID articles and being even further weighed down by all of the massive amounts of data and info there is to process.

So then I come home. My house is a shambles because my pre-teen is home all day. I have no energy or wherewithall to do anything about it. Cooking is impossible if I’m late, or a huge chore (it’s usually fun) if I’m home at regular time. More mess is made. I try to relax but I’m surrounded socially by people “enjoying” their self-isolation time. Pictures, stories and texts about getting outdoors, increased time with kids, having projects they were able to knock out.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to decide if I want to lay flat on my bed (it’s not a desk chair) and read or just pass out. I know my kids miss me, but I’m irritable and have no energy for excitement. I’m SO SICK of staring at screens. It’s too dark to go outside. I have no energy to go outside.

Now I’m on call for a weekend shift. I have both kids here all next week because one is on spring break. So I have to fake excitement. Exude family time energy.

And in the back of my mind I just want to sleep for days. I know I’m depressed but what can I do? Some people aren’t getting paid right now. I have to work. But I’m tired. I’m not doing anything valuable.

I’m not doing anything valuable.

I just hope this passes. It will pass. Some say months. Some say years.

I hope you are all doing well with this. I hope you are feeling better than me.

I hope you don’t get sick. I hope we all come out happy and better on the other side.

I hope my family isn’t hurt by my distractions. I just hope… for it to pass.